obfuscated.org

Hugh claims that today is blog day. News to me, but hey, I’ll go with it. The quick 411:

BlogDay was created with the belief that bloggers should have one day dedicated to getting to know other bloggers from other countries and areas of interest. On that day Bloggers will recommend other blogs to their blog visitors. With the goal in mind, on this day every blogger will post a recommendation of 5 new blogs. In this way, all Blog web surfers will find themselves leaping around and discovering new, previously unknown blogs.

Here’s my quick five:

1. Slidell Hurricane Damage Blog provides updates on the hurricane Katrina damage in and around NO. A downer, yes, but useful today.
2. Waiter Rant is invariably a good read.
3. It’s difficult to beat Waxy’s link blog for amusing things on the web.
4. SciFi author John Scalzi keeps the world up to date on his works and thoughts on The Whatever
5. Signal vs. Noise, the blog run by the good people at 37signals, is a fine place for developers interested in design and usability to keep up on what’s what.

Oh, and because I’m a punk, here’s a quick link love shout out to my peoples with the blogs: Heidi, Henry, Jill, Tej, HBMM, CLV

Dear George Clinton,

I have a question about your Atomic Dog: how do you keep it cool? When I was a child I visited the Wolf Creek nuclear power plant in Burlington, Kansas. The apparatus they had to cool it consumed several buildings. You accomplish the same thing in a space smaller than that of a dog, and that’s pretty amazing.

According to my understanding of things, large volumes of water are often used to cool things of fission. Most nuclear power plants sit on a river or lake or something like that and draw in water like it’s going out of style. I can only assume that nuclear submarines also have an adequate supply of available water for cooling (as they are designed for being under water — handy!). Does your dog have some sort of a huge dish that it drinks from?

Once I read a science fiction book called Snow Crash that had fission-powered “Rat Things” in it. They were about the size of dogs (in fact, I think they were dogs, maybe cyborg dogs or something), and they kept cool by running really really fast whenever they weren’t in special cooling chambers. Also, their skin was specially shaped to dissipate heat. Is your Atomic Dog a cyborg? That’d be pretty neat. I’ll bet you could get it to fight crime if it was a cyborg.

Well George, thanks for taking the time to read this letter. It’s nice to know that musicians can also be innovators in the field of fission-powered pets. Thanks for being an inspiration for all of us!

Your Fan,

Corey

I’m a net.celebrity now. It’s true. Jeremy Zawodny mentioned me and (perhaps more importantly) the Mindset Konfabulator Widget in his internationally-known blog today, and I must admit that I’m all atwitter. It’s like the time that Tony Pierce linked to me, except more work-related.

Anyway, folks, go ahead and download the widget. It’ll rock your socks off. I promise.

Dear Apathy,

The world will continue to turn even if you don’t catch all five episodes of “The West Wing” on Monday nights. I promise.

Sincerely,

Corey

Dear Peacocks of Arcadia,

I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heard for taking an inch of tread off of my tires this evening. Honestly I believe that it was just getting in the way. My tires are better for being bald and Golden West Avenue adjacent to the Arboretum is better for having my car’s skid marks on it. You truly do a service for everybody.

The City of Arcadia is quite kind to the world at large to value you above cars and trucks and bikes and pedestrians and strollers with children in them and elderly seniors in wheel chairs. It would be a shame to keep you from wandering en mass in to traffic or standing on cars whenever the fancy strikes you. Indeed, no suburb is complete without wandering hoards of marauding foul, protected to the fullest extent of the law.

Because I love you so much, I’d like to extend an invitation to you to visit me in my home town of Temple City. I’ll prepare a tea with scones and little biscuits and everything else you love best, and when we’re all done eating I’ll beat you to death with an aluminum bat.

Love,

Corey

Dear Summer Cold,

I will smite thee. Yes, I know that’s a very direct statement and no way to start a friendly letter, but what I am feeling towards you is not friendly in the slightest. Your days are numbered.

The whole thing is planned out. Necessary supplies have been gathered, and I am mentally and physically prepared to do mortal battle with you, loathsome foe. Prepare for your doom.

On the way home from dropping the kid off at school today, I stopped by the grocery and picked up the following:

• 1 gallon of orange juice, fortified with vitamin-C
• 1 package of Sudafed™ brand “nite-time” cold medication (industrial-grade)
• 1 bottle of vitamin-C tablets (800mg)
• 100 dollars in rubles.
• 100 dollars in gold.
• 9 packs of chewing gum.
• 1 issue of prophylactics.
• 3 lipsticks.
• 3 pairs of nylon stockings.

Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Dallas with all that stuff.

Back at the ranch, I was ready rumble. Just you and me, summer cold, mano-a-mano, MORTAL KOMBAT. There was no way you could win. I was armed — to the teeth. I poured myself a glass of OJ, popped the vit-c, banged down a couple of Sudafed™, and your ass, summer cold, is Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

ZZzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

<sfx: phone ringing>

"Huh? No, no I’m not coming in. I’ve got a cold. Fighting it to the death. Mortal Kombat, you understand. What? Yes, I emailed the admin this morning. The TPS report? Oh, yeah, I put it on zzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzz."

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

And that, boys and girls, is the story of how I spent all of Thursday in bed and was still a little sniffly at the end of the day.

Best Wishes,

Uncle Corey

Dear Colleagues,

Due to some glitch in the HR system, it seems that I have been put in place for a major promotion. Specifically, I am interviewing tomorrow for the position of “Senior Manager, Community Development.” Now, I’m not quite sure what that means, and I have absolutely no managerial experience, but it sounds like it’s quite a few steps up on the food chain from “Developer,” so I’m compelled to accept.

The one thing I’m not sure about is the interview. As I did not apply for the position but was apparently selected for it by HR, I would have thought that no interview would be necessary and I could just slide in to the job. However, there’s an impressive gauntlet of “Directors” and “Senior Managers” that I’m slated to run tomorrow afternoon, and I’m a little apprehensive about that. I’ve only interviewed for development positions before, and I’m not quite sure what to expect from a “Senior Manager” interview. Here are the strategies I’ve cooked up with the help of both friends and coworkers to hopefully make it through tomorrow afternoon and in to the promised land:

• Surreptitiously pass a $5 to each interviewer.
• When it is noted that I have no managerial experience and am basically unqualified for the job, point out that I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night.
• End each interview with “so are we good?”
• Answer all questions in mime.
• Change name to Jack Welch.

Anyway, I’m confidant that I’ll make it through tomorrow and will soon be our company’s newest Senior Manager. If you’re real nice to me, I’ll let you ride in my executive helicopter.

Yours,

cp

Dear England and France,

I know that the two of you haven’t always been the best of pals, but I’m glad that you have in certain circumstances been able to lay your differences aside for the sake of the common good. I’m speaking, of course, about the martini. Gin from England, Vermouth from France, cold from Mother Earth herself. This, truly, is a wonderful invention, and our planet would not be where it is today without it. So I salute the both of you, England and France, for giving us the martini.

Cheers,

cp

Dear Pasadena Drivers,

I’ve always believed that it’s a good thing to let people learn from their mistakes. It’s the only way to let the lesson really set in, you know? Perhaps its some sort of parenting instinct. Unless your child is going to hurt themselves, you let them do their thing, fall down when they’re going to fall down and learn to not fall down any more. On the whole, it works out very well.

You, however, are hurting yourself and apparently not learning, so I’m going to step in. This has been going on for months and you simply do not seem to be catching on. So I’ll tell you what you’re doing wrong. No, you won’t get to learn it on your own, but I’m hopeful that you can start avoiding the problem without that particular kind of lesson.

It’s the intersection of Hill and San Pasqual, the one next to the undergrad dorms at Caltech. You know, the one with the "no left turn between 4:30 and 6:30 M-F" sign? Here’s the thing: STOP TURNING LEFT THERE BETWEEN 4:30 AND 6:30 DURING THE WEEK!

Every day I see you getting pulled over there. This doesn’t really hurt me; the Pasadena PD does a really good job of keeping traffic moving while they cite you. It’s just that it kills me to see you getting dinged for such a stupid thing every day of the week. I really do want you to be happy.

Best of luck,

Corey

Erich gave me this packet of soup last week. It’s “spicy,” apparently.