Dear George Clinton, I have a question about your Atomic Dog: how do you keep it cool? When I was a child I visited the Wolf Creek nuclear power plant in Burlington, Kansas. The apparatus they had to cool it consumed several buildings. You accomplish the same thing in a space smaller than that of [...]

Dear Apathy, The world will continue to turn even if you don’t catch all five episodes of “The West Wing” on Monday nights. I promise. Sincerely, Corey

Dear Peacocks of Arcadia, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heard for taking an inch of tread off of my tires this evening. Honestly I believe that it was just getting in the way. My tires are better for being bald and Golden West Avenue adjacent to the Arboretum is [...]

Dear Summer Cold, I will smite thee. Yes, I know that’s a very direct statement and no way to start a friendly letter, but what I am feeling towards you is not friendly in the slightest. Your days are numbered. The whole thing is planned out. Necessary supplies have been gathered, and I am mentally [...]

Dear Colleagues, Due to some glitch in the HR system, it seems that I have been put in place for a major promotion. Specifically, I am interviewing tomorrow for the position of “Senior Manager, Community Development.” Now, I’m not quite sure what that means, and I have absolutely no managerial experience, but it sounds like [...]

Dear England and France, I know that the two of you haven’t always been the best of pals, but I’m glad that you have in certain circumstances been able to lay your differences aside for the sake of the common good. I’m speaking, of course, about the martini. Gin from England, Vermouth from France, cold [...]

Dear Pasadena Drivers, I’ve always believed that it’s a good thing to let people learn from their mistakes. It’s the only way to let the lesson really set in, you know? Perhaps its some sort of parenting instinct. Unless your child is going to hurt themselves, you let them do their thing, fall down when [...]