Vibrating at 500 Hz
Dear Coffee,
Hi! I know we’ve been buds for a long time and you’re one of my best friends and I remember those times when I use to brew up a pot of you every morning and take it in to work because I thought the coffee at home was so much better because they had Starbuck’s coffee at work and I’m some sort of snob and I don’t drink the corporate coffee and I’d put the whole pot in my totally awesome thermos and bring it in to the office and I had a carton of half and half in the fridge and a box of sugar cubes on my desk that my boss brought in because we had this arrangement where I would take care of the half and half and she would take care of the sugar because neither of us really got in to the funny chemical creamers that probably have all sorts of alien technology in them to make them last unrefrigerated for so long and that sort of stuff is really bad for you so I didn’t like to drink it but sometimes I did anyway because I’d be out of half and half and I’m a pansy and I can’t just drink black coffee like a real coffee drinker and sometimes that made me question out friendship and I’d drink Dr. Pepper for a day or two but then I’d miss you and I’d be right back there with a new carton of half and half and the times would be good and I’d polish off the entire pot before lunch and wooooooooooo those were fun days especially when I had a meeting because I’d talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and pace around the room and everybody thought I had so much energy and they didn’t know my little secret that was drinking an entire pot of coffee before lunch and those were good days because you were such a good friend. In spite of all the love and all the good times I sort of think that maybe we shouldn’t be friends any more because I can’t seem to stop talking once I start and I can’t seem to sit still for more than three minutes at a go and I can’t seem to stop vibrating every time I stop moving or typing or walking around or playing foosball and sometimes it’s hard to get to sleep at night because my mind is racing and racing an racing because there’s so much to think about and you sure can get to a lot of it when your brain is moving at seven times the speed of light and you’re supercharged in general by your good pal coffee who maybe isn’t such a good friend anyway and maybe is trying to kill you or at least use you to bore a hole straight through the earth’s crust to some system of caves where the aliens live and are waiting for the opportunity to escape and make us all drink even more coffee because that’s what the aliens want really when you think about it they want us to drink more and more and more and more and more coffee they really do.
So maybe I should stop at three cups today.
Yours,
cp