Rabid Ornithophilia
Dear Peacocks of Arcadia,
I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heard for taking an inch of tread off of my tires this evening. Honestly I believe that it was just getting in the way. My tires are better for being bald and Golden West Avenue adjacent to the Arboretum is better for having my car’s skid marks on it. You truly do a service for everybody.
The City of Arcadia is quite kind to the world at large to value you above cars and trucks and bikes and pedestrians and strollers with children in them and elderly seniors in wheel chairs. It would be a shame to keep you from wandering en mass in to traffic or standing on cars whenever the fancy strikes you. Indeed, no suburb is complete without wandering hoards of marauding foul, protected to the fullest extent of the law.
Because I love you so much, I’d like to extend an invitation to you to visit me in my home town of Temple City. I’ll prepare a tea with scones and little biscuits and everything else you love best, and when we’re all done eating I’ll beat you to death with an aluminum bat.
Love,
Corey