Throwing in the Towel
Dear Linen Closet,
In your FACE, you smug little ass. Holy crap has this been a long time coming. I’ve wanted to do this for longer than you could possibly imagine, and I couldn’t possibly be happier that it’s done. Your days are through, Linen Closet.
I’ll bet you’re going to miss those days of dumping towels on me when I’m looking for a pillowcase, or jamming sheets in to the door so I can’t open it without dumping everything in you on the floor. Yeah, I can hear you crying already, what with your new found inability to make my life a living hell.
Remember that time I had company over? It was summer and I needed a fresh set of sheets for the pullout, but all you wanted to do was throw comforters at me. Oh man did I want to just douse you with gasoline and throw in a match. You made me so mad that one time. That’s all over now, Linen Closet. Your reign of terror is over.
You know what else? I’m never going to buy it again when you tell me that I don’t own any washcloths. THEY WERE UNDER THE INFLATABLE MATTRESS, YOU PUNK. Why on earth would you keep them there? Man you make me mad.
It’s funny, though, that all it took to bring you to your knees was an hour of my life and a $10 set of shelves from Target. Target! I didn’t even have to go to one of those fancy-pants “Organize your life for $1,000,000″ stores. All it took was a chain discount store. SUCK IT, LINEN CLOSET! What’s more is that the shelves were supposed to be $15, but the checker couldn’t find the price so she gave them to me for $10. I didn’t even have to pay full price to shut you down. How does that make you feel?
I hope you learned something today. From now on, you had better keep in mind that I wear the pants around here. You just hold the pillowcases.
Have fun trying to get my boot out of the bath towels,
Corey