Three things that I should have done at the hipster roof party but didn’t do

  • Grab the microphone from the band, announce that “somebody ran in to a BMW downstairs” and watch everybody run for the doors.
  • Do a trust fun principle size survey. Score one point for amounts under $500,000. See if I can make it all the way to ten.
  • Fully clothed, do a cannonball in to the pool, soaking the band and all of their equipment.

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