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One of the best parts of Thanksgiving is eating a truckload of desserts that require whipped cream. When else do you get to pull this kind of stunt? Here’s how I make mine.

Whipped Cream

Ingredients:

• 1 cup heavy cream
• 1/4^th cup sugar
• 3 oz. Wild Turkey Bourbon Whiskey (101 proof)

Preparation:

1. Get a big bowl.
2. Fill it half full with ice.
3. Get a smaller, metal bowl.
4. Put it in the larger bowl, over the ice.
5. Put the cream, sugar and whiskey in the small bowl.
6. Using an electric mixer — because, seriously, people want desert and you don’t have time to use a whisk — whip the hell out of the whole thing until it looks and tastes like whipped cream.

There you go! Add an extra shot of bourbon to the chef for additional fun.

For the first time in five years I’m not going to be cooking a Thanksgiving dinner. While I’m glad that I’m getting a chance to visit my family, I will definitely miss the cooking. It’s one of my favorite holidays in terms of the ritual preparation of food. To compensate for this, I’m going to post a few of my super-secret mission:incredible Thanksgiving recipes on this site. Try them if you dare. Ventured or no, I hope the recipes are enjoyed.

Mashed Potatoes

I got this one originally from Stephanie and have modified it in various and unhealthy ways over the years. I won’t say that it’s better than her original recipe, but it’s certainly worse for you.

Ingredients:

• 10 large-ish potatoes
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 1 cup sour cream
• 1/8^th cup Wild Turkey Bourbon Whiskey (101 proof)
• 1 beer

First and foremost a mild disclaimer: I’m swagging the measurements here. Big time. The “-ish” in the potatoes listing should give that away. Take everything slowly and carefully while preparing this dish. If something looks wrong, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure something out to mitigate. In the event of culinary disaster, just add more whiskey.

Preparation:

1. Skin the potatoes. Thoroughly. I know that there are people out there who like to mash them up with the skins still on them, claiming that it’s “better for you, blah blah blah.” This recipe isn’t about “better for you, blah blah blah.” It’s about swiftly and finally slamming your arteries shut and killing you dead, but with a great big smile on your face. So forget the skins. The spoil the visual esthetic of the dish.
2. Wash and dice the potatoes. Boil ‘em in a large stock pot.
3. Drink the beer. The potatoes will probably take a while to boil.
4. Mix the boiled potatoes, heavy cream, sour cream and whiskey with an electric blender until very smooth. Basically, mix them until they look smooth, and then keep it up for half again as long as you’ve already blended them.

Makes enough for a table full of people plus a couple days worth of leftovers.

Hump, 15mph
Originally uploaded by Corey Porter.

Tuesday - yes, it was Tuesday when I saw my congressman coming out of the titty bar. He didn’t look like my congressman, but that’s okay. Nobody really looks like themselves anymore. I think its got something to do with that crap they’ve been pouring into the water.

I decided it might be wise to follow the congressman, just to see what he was up to. After all, my tax dollars do pay his salary. The congressman got into a taxi, so I hailed a taxi despite the obvious dangers involved, and the colored voices in my head began to sing: “All I gotta do is put my ear to the wall and I can hear it all, yes I can hear it all. All I gotta do is put my ear to the wall, and I can even hear the little insects crawl”

The congressman was in taxi number 23, and I was in cab 17, but numbers are meaningless in this kind of cat and squid game. My driver was an Aries, and he laughed when I said “Follow that cab!” And he kept laughing until he saw the cold blue steel of Little Elvis.

“Keep your god-damn hands off that radio!” I warned him “I work for the government!” This is actually a half truth. I’m really a bike courier, but I make a lot of deliveries to government offices. That’s where I heard about the cheese.

And the colored voices in my head kept singing: “All I gotta do is put my ear to the wall, and I can hear it all, yes I can hear it all. All I gotta do is put my ear to the wall, and I can even hear the little insects crawl”

There’s this super secret government program called “Operation: The Cheese Stands Alone.” It’s the congressmen’s pet project. They claim that they’re giving surplus cheese to the needy. I, of course, have my suspicions. After 15 very quiet minutes, the congressman’s cab pulled up outside a warehouse. I had the Aries circle around the building and drop me off. He seemed to be grasping the importance of my mission. Since he said I didn’t have to pay him. As long as I promised to stay very far away from him and his taxi. I swear, some people just don’t want to get involved.

So I walked into that cold dark place, Little Elvis drawn and ready for action. I too was ready - ready for the moment when I would be a real American.

— The Dead Milkmen, Peter Bazooka

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying Scalzi’s listings from the Rough Guides‘ Movie guides. They make me wonder what the canon lists of movies would be for specific topics. I’ve listed a few that I think should be on the list (sticking to movies that I’ve seen, of which there are far too few). What else belongs there?

By request, the Vegas movie canon. Vegas exists in a dual movie state for me. In the summer it’s “Fear and Loathing” country, and the winter it’s all Rat Pack. What movies say “Vegas” to you?

• Casino
• Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
• Oceans 11 (the original Rat Pack version)
• Oceans 11 (the quite good recent remake)
• Swingers (there’s so much truth to the “Vegas Baby!” scene)

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying Scalzi’s listings from the Rough Guides‘ Movie guides. They make me wonder what the canon lists of movies would be for specific topics. I’ve listed a few that I think should be on the list (sticking to movies that I’ve seen, of which there are far too few). What else belongs there?

It’s Friday. If you’re reading this blog, I’d say that you ain’t got shit to do. I’m gonna talk about movies that’ll get you high!

Pot movies have always been my guilty pleasure. I’m possibly the world’s biggest square, but I just can’t get enough of movies where the heros bumble around, baked out of their brains getting sidetracked by talking bags of Doritos. I like the uncertainty that comes along with these movies. Sometimes they have something important to say. Sometimes they’re just stupid fun. The only constant, really, is the Doritos.

I couldn’t in good faith stop at five today, but there are legion more that I haven’t seen. What are the good ones? Which movies make you laugh like a Canadian Olympic snowboarder?

• Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
• Dazed and Confused
• Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
• Friday
• Half Baked
• Super Troopers
• The Big Lebowski
• The Muppet Movie

More Alternate Film Canons.

My corporate-issue backpack has decided to bite the dust just before I leave on a short trip. I’d quite like to have a working backpack and I’m not confidant that The Man can provide me with a new one on such short notice, so I’m likely going to pick one up myself this weekend. Can anybody recommend a quality backpack? I’m looking for something that can capably hold a laptop, a jacket and a stack of books and won’t fall apart inside of a year. Thanks!

Hey there, The Magic Internet Machine!

I’m going to be in Chicago with my son and parents next Wednesday. We fly in to Midway in the middle of the afternoon and subsequently schlep out to Woodstock, IL for Thanksgiving and what have you. I’d like to stop for dinner in Chicago. Ideally it would be someplace casual enough for people in traveling clothes to stop in yet nice enough to be memorable. Local cuisine is greatly preferable. Where do you recommend? It’s been ten years since I’ve spent any amount of time in the city proper, so I’ve no idea of what’s good currently.

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying Scalzi’s listings from the Rough Guides‘ Movie guides. They make me wonder what the canon lists of movies would be for specific topics. I’ve listed a few that I think should be on the list (sticking to movies that I’ve seen, of which there are far too few). What else belongs there?

Growing up, every kid on the block had a plan for what they would do if they learned that “the bomb” was about to drop. A friend of mine who lived around the corner once declared triumphantly that he would “go outside and play some basketball,” not being fond, I imagine, of a world filled with fallout victims and nuclear mutants. More power to him. It’s good to have a plan.

A world-ending atomic war isn’t so much of a worry for today’s kids. This is definitely a good thing, but the will miss out on some fine cinema. I wonder how the old bomb-scare movies will play with generations who never did the old “duck and cover” drill. When they finally see them, which ones do you think they should watch?

• Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
• The Iron Giant
• Spies Like Us
• The Mouse That Roared
• Wargames

More Alternate Film Canons.

Sony, greedmongering DRM pushers, issued an apology for installing trojans along with a few dozen of their CD’s. What’s great about their apology is that they provide zero details regarding their program to swap malware-free CD’s for infected ones and that there is nothing in the way of contact information for the responsible parties. Way to go, Sony. You managed to suck even more with this apology, which is pretty astounding.

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying Scalzi’s listings from the Rough Guides‘ Movie guides. They make me wonder what the canon lists of movies would be for specific topics. I’ve listed a few that I think should be on the list (sticking to movies that I’ve seen, of which there are far too few). What else belongs there?

It occurred to me the other day that as of this fall I’ve lived in California (Los Angeles in particular) longer than I’ve lived in any other state. For a while now it’s felt like home, but I feel better about saying things like “I’m from Los Angeles” now that I have some sort of numbers backing me up. Now that I’ve got a new home town, I feel like I really should know what the important movies about it are.

For my money, “The Big Lebowksi” is the defining movie about Los Angeles. There are a lot of opinions floating around out there about what LA is and isn’t, what kind of people live here and what they do. Lots of people in other parts of the country view us as a city full of movie stars and rock bands, which is a pretty comical thing to hear after living here for a while. LA is the world’s largest suburb. There’s no single part of town or occupation that dominates the city. All different sorts of people live here and do pretty well anything you can think of. The one common thread is that they’re (we’re, actually) all just a little off center. “Lebowski” shows this side of Los Angeles like no other movie I’ve seen.

All that said, I know that there are a lot of movies about Los Angeles. What are the good ones? When you think about LA, what movies come to mind? I’d love to know.

• Bowfinger
• Boyz ‘n the Hood
• Chinatown
• LA Confidential
• The Big Lebowski

More Alternate Film Canons.