Sports with Woody: Women’s Basketball

Have you ever been a couple days in with a few days still to go on something that turned out to not be quite as funny as you thought it would be? Yeah, me too. Maybe it’s because I’ve done the two boring sports — baseball and American football — that I don’t really like. It seems like both previous tournaments came out the same way: at the end of the day, it was either indians or giants winning the day.

Well, I’ve got a sure-fire cure for this minor literary malaise: The WNBA! They have all sorts of nuts names that the NFL would never even consider. Plus they don’t have that many teams, so I can get through this one relatively quickly. Here goes!

WNBA Tournament

  1. Charlotte Sting
  2. Connecticut Sun
  3. Detroit Shock
  4. Houston Comets
  5. Indiana Fever
  6. Los Angeles Sparks
  7. Minnesota Lynx
  8. New York Liberty
  9. Phoenix Mercury
  10. Sacramento Monarchs
  11. San Antonio Silver Stars
  12. Seattle Storm
  13. Washington Mystics

Sting v. bye

A slow start, but we’ll make it through this. Sting

Sun v. bye

OK, so we have to do two of these. No big. Sun

Shock v. bye

Who puts 13 teams in a league?! Geez! Shock

Comets v. Mystics

All right! This is some action! I’m all the way for anything even vaguely magical winning, but I’m pretty sure that if a comet ran in to a wizard or what have you, it’d be game over. Comets

Fever v. Storm

A storm is immune to any sort of health-related ailment. Storm

Sparks v. Silver Stars

What temperature does silver melt at? I’ve got to think that it’s a lot higher than what you’d get off any sort of sparks. Silver Stars

Lynx v. Monarchs

Lynx are small and stealthy enough to steak past any sort of palace guard, and they’ve got CLAWS AND TEETH to rip in to some monarch flesh! Lynx

Mercury v. Liberty

Liberty is a wonderful thing. It’s part of what our country is based on. Mercury, on the other hand, has those rad shoes with wings on them. You can’t top rad shoes. Mercury

WNBA Quarter-finals

Sting v. Storm

I don’t care if you’ve got a whole swarm of hornets or a big fist full or scorpions. There’s nothing with a stinger that a little lightning and hail can’t take care of. Storm

Sun v. Silver Stars

Sparks wouldn’t do it, but I bet you the sun could melt the hell out of all the silver in the world. Sun

Shock v. Mercury

Speedy as he is, Mercury would be out like a light if you ran a current through him. Shock

Comets v. Lynx

Stealthy cats with claws and what have you don’t do so well when giant balls of ice and rock and metal from space run in to them. Comets

WNBA Semi-finals

Sun v. Storm

I’ve been watching for months now and I’ve not seen a storm permanently block out the sun. Sun

Shock v. Comets

Science has yet to study the effect of electricity on comets, but we know exactly what would happen if you ran a comet in to some sort of generator or power plant or battery or something like that. Comets

WNBA Finals

Sun v. Comets

The comet has had some impressive wins so far. It’s got an impact that’s hard to ignore, what with its traveling through space at zillions of miles an hour and being made of heavy, hard stuff. Those are impressive stats.

The Sun, on the other hand, is a giant, burning ball of gas. It’s surface temperature is almost 6,000K. That’s really hot. I’m pretty sure that a comet would melt or explode or something like that before it got within 100 miles of the sun. So this contest, really, is an easy call.

The Connecticut Sun are your WNBA Champions

More Sports with Woody

Posted in , , | | 3 Responses

3 responses to “Sports with Woody: Women’s Basketball”

  1. Robert
    November 30, 2005 at 8:00 am |

    They should have named them “Detroit Shock and Awe”. That would have rocked.

  2. cp
    November 30, 2005 at 8:05 am |

    I’m sure the NBA will get around to at least calling them “Shock’n Y’all,” what with their whole campaign to crackerify basketball.

  3. Robert
    November 30, 2005 at 11:59 am |

    It worked for Nascar. Oh wait, that was pre-crackerified. If anything it’s been de-crackerified.

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