Holiday Cocktail Party Field Guide: Happy Drunk / Angry Drunk
If there’s one constant at holiday cocktail parties, it’s booze. I’ve heard rumor that some people throw dry holiday parties, but I’m pretty sure that Emily Post herself said that you’re not obligated to go to them.
For the most part, people have one or two cocktails, converse pleasantly and have a fine time. Sometimes — when you’re lucky — one of the outliers will show out, and that’s where the quality kookspotting is. Keep an eye out for them and you’re bound to have fun.
The Happy Drunk
No matter what their personality is most of the time, they’re the life of the party after they’ve had six or eight drinks. Everybody is their best friend and the world is a wonderful place for them to live in. And then they yarf on your plants.
What to talk to them about
Anything that’s got you down, because man, they’ll find the bright side of thing. That bright side may have nothing to do with what you’re talking about, but dammit, it’ll be there. You’re at a party, so run with it.
What to drink with them
They’re trashed. Does it really matter? If you’re truly a kind soul, you’ll drink water with them after you’ve taken their keys.
The Angry Drunk
Much less sociable yet infinitely more amusing is the angry drunk. Two beers in and they start saying things like “now lemme tell you something about women.” A few more and they start taking swings at anybody who doesn’t think the 1968 Elvis Comeback Special isn’t the greatest live album ever produced. Bonus points if they’re armed.
What to talk to them about
Religion. Politics. College sports. Anything to get a rise out of them. You don’t get a lot of opportunities to antagonize people who can barely stand up straight. Temper this, of course, depending upon whose home you are in. If you’re hosting, perhaps goading them in to throwing the flatware at you isn’t the best move.
What to drink with them
If they’re offensive enough, throw change-ups. A round of beer followed by a Midori Sour followed by another beer followed by a martini followed by another beer…. You get the point. Again, don’t do this if they’re at your house, unless they’re confined to the back yard.