obfuscated.org

You read the Fake Steve Jobs, right? He’s funny. Read him.

An excerpt from today’s piece on iPhone pricing:

To be sure, it took some time for me to develop the correct overpricing strategy. With the NeXT machine, we figured out what would be a fair price, and then we quadrupled that price, and sure enough, people lined up to buy them. Or some people did anyway. Problem is, we kinda priced ourselves out of being a mass market company. Meanwhile, Microsoft – God, just to write that word makes me feel slightly nauseated – was pushing Windows. Their stuff was like a Special Olympics version of what we’d done at Apple. But it was cheap, and it came bundled onto all the butt-ugly PCs in the world. So frigtards went out and bought their PCs and got stuck with Windows and, tragic as this may seem, many of them actually considered this to be a wonderful thing.

I weep for those people.

I don’t know why nobody notified me of this not entirely recent development. I’ll try not to be too hurt by this. Anyway, there’s a program called Seashore. It’s a Cocoa implementation of The Gimp, which is, as everybody knows, the one true raster image editor. (At least for people too cheap to pony up for Photoshop.)

I’ve been a fan of the Gimp for years, and under Windows or (especially) Linux, it’s a delight to use. However, on OS X it runs much like it does under Linux or Windows, making it seem comparatively super-klunky. It’s a real captain comedown. Nobody should have to use things that smell like Windows when they’re working on a real computer.

Seashore aims to make the Gimp behave like a proper Cocoa application. It’s still pretty beta — sometimes dialogs dissappear and windows refuse to refresh, etc etc — but it’s definitely usable.

So WorldNetDaily asserts that soy will turn you gay:

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.

A tongue-in-cheek response from the SFGate takes the next logical step, suggesting that all vegans are obviously gay:

Is it not obvious? After all, most vegans eat a lot of soy. Consequently, most vegans are, of course, violently gay, just like billions of Asians who’ve eaten soy products for millennia and are so gay and feminine and estrogen heavy they can barely stand up. Which explains Hello Kitty. And samurai movies. And the Scion Xb. I mean, obviously.

My question to you is: which is funnier, the original WorldNetDaily piece or the SFGate rebuttal. I personally say that WND story is. The Gate is trying to be cheeky, and there’s little less funny than that. WND gets the whole wingnut kook thing just right while keeping a straight face. Which is braggable.

My only question is: We eat organic baby greens from time to time in my home, yet I’ve let my subscription to The New Yorker lapse. Does this make me a Communist or Dutch? It’s one of the two, but I can’t remember which.

We’ve been on and off with an ugly cold for a while now. After a certain amount of time, the cold wears on you and you have to fight back any way you can. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the NyQuil Bomb.

You say “NyQuil…”

I say “Bomb!”

Hoo boy. Good times.

This was the friendly greeting I received after taking the holidays off of work. I’m not one of the “I get 1,000 emails per hour” people, so this is more than a little terrifying. I wonder how troublesome the good old “select all, delete” would be ;)