obfuscated.org

Memefollowing from Stephanie, Heidi and Jill.

The one thing that sort of puts me out about this quiz is that it lumps “Gamer” and “Computer” in to one category. I like the computers plenty, but can’t much stand the computer games. Why must they be combined?

Following the meme from CLV and Pat, here’s my “Ultimate Superhero Team.”

First, the rules:

The Challenge: Assemble a superteam from your favorite books, films, TV shows, etc. Your team must consist of the following: (1) Team Leader (1) Warrior (1) Smartypants (1) Hottie (1) Comic Relief All your superteam members must be from DIFFERENT sources.

Here’s what I’d go with:

Team Leader: Frylock Warrior: John Shaft Smartypants: Nick Charles Hottie: Agent 99 Comic Relief: Irwin Fletcher

If you’re putting together a super-team, obviously you’re doing it to fight crime. Who better to fight crime than a group of the best detectives modern American media has ever seen?

He’s not a detective, but Irwin “Fletch” Fletcher plays one on TV, or in the hospital records room or the aviation maintenance shop or at the country club on the Underhill account. Aside from his acerbic wit, his mastery of disguise would be a boon to the group. Also considered: Master Shake, Axel Foley. Spy. Detective. Same thing. Above and beyond the hot, she solves mystery and has the ability to contend with 86. Braggable I’ll note that it’s the Barbara Feldon 99 that I’m talking about. None of this Anne Hathaway nonsense. Also considered: Veronica Mars, Nora Charles, Master Shake.

The ultimate smart alcek, Nick Charles none the less knows what time it is when there’s crime solving to be done. He’s never short of a deft observation or logical reasoning, and he would make sure that the group doesn’t go dry. Nobody else was considered for this position.

He’s one bad mother SHUT YOUR MOUTH. Did I choose Shaft just so I could make that joke? Probably. Would he kick your ass anyway? Yes. Also considered: B.A. Baracus, Master Shake.

To lead this group of superstars, you need somebody who knows how to get the best out of a group. Somebody who knows how to manage big egos. Somebody who can shoot freaking explosion beams out of his eyes. Frylock is the man here. He has the science chops to keep up intellectually, and his physical might — witness his triumph over the Quad Laser — is second to none. Also considered: Master Shake.

So there you have it. It’s my bad ass superhero team. Criminals beware.

Please enjoy COULTON mixed with the esteemed Sir Mixalot.

John Scalzi has a very pragmatic stance regarding pirated electronic copies of his books.

Yes, I am aware that pirated versions of my books are floating around on the Internet; in one sense it’s flattering (yay! I’m popular enough to be pirated!), but on the other hand I can’t guarantee that what you’re reading is what I wrote; honestly, who knows what those crazy pirates are up to these days. If you find yourself in the presence of a pirated electronic copy of one of my books and are having a crisis of morality about it, relax. Read it if you want; if it works for you, consider picking up a physical copy later. Simple. If you’re one of those hardcore “I want to pay you but I won’t buy anything but e-books” sort of people and you come across a pirated copy, go ahead and read it, and if you like it, consider picking up a physical copy and giving it to one of your friends who still does all his or her reading old school. Again, simple enough.

This makes so much more sense than the “WE WILL SUE AND KILL EVERYBODY WHO EVEN THINKS ABOUT A PIRATED COPY OF OUR IP” that we get out of the RIAA and MPAA. Well done, Scalzi.

The music program at The Kid’s school covers music history, from time to time focusing on particular artists. I’ve so far been astounded by the selection of artists. The Kid will come home and tell us that his class learned about Ray Charles or Duke Ellington. We never got much past Mancini when I was in fourth grade.

This last week his class studied Stevie Wonder. Which, again: Damn. His school’s music teacher is great. It also reminded me of perhaps the best children’s television moment of all times. So hooray for schools with music programs, and hooray for Sesame Street.

Boston’s 9/11-inspired war on cartoons just keeps getting better and better:

In a news conference, Rich told reporters he had advised his clients not to discuss the incident. Stevens and Berdovsky took the podium and said they were taking questions only about haircuts in the 1970s.

When a reporter accused them of not taking the situation seriously, Stevens responded, “We’re taking it very seriously.” Asked another question about the case, Stevens reiterated they were answering questions only about hair and accused the reporter of not taking him and Berdovsky seriously.

Reporters did not relent and as they continued, Berdovsky disregarded their queries, saying, “That’s not a hair question. I’m sorry.”

If there’s anybody who deserves to be made a mockery of, it’s the Boston police department and the media who reported the incident. Good show, Stevens and Berdovsky.

When first my brave Johnie lad came to this town,
He had a blue bonnet that wanted the crown;
But now he has gotten a hat and a feather,
Hey, brave Johnie lad, cock up your beaver!

Cock up your beaver, and cock it fu’ sprush,
We’ll over the border, and gie them a brush;
There’s somebody there we’ll teach better behaviour,
Hey, brave Johnie lad, cock up your beaver!

(Note: Happy Birthday to the good Doctor Barber as well!)

(Further Note: A Blackadder bottled ‘91 Springbank is the order of the day.)

So WorldNetDaily asserts that soy will turn you gay:

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.

A tongue-in-cheek response from the SFGate takes the next logical step, suggesting that all vegans are obviously gay:

Is it not obvious? After all, most vegans eat a lot of soy. Consequently, most vegans are, of course, violently gay, just like billions of Asians who’ve eaten soy products for millennia and are so gay and feminine and estrogen heavy they can barely stand up. Which explains Hello Kitty. And samurai movies. And the Scion Xb. I mean, obviously.

My question to you is: which is funnier, the original WorldNetDaily piece or the SFGate rebuttal. I personally say that WND story is. The Gate is trying to be cheeky, and there’s little less funny than that. WND gets the whole wingnut kook thing just right while keeping a straight face. Which is braggable.

My only question is: We eat organic baby greens from time to time in my home, yet I’ve let my subscription to The New Yorker lapse. Does this make me a Communist or Dutch? It’s one of the two, but I can’t remember which.

This NRA tract is pretty awesome. Stock up on ammo now or else Rosie O’Donnell, some hippy farmer chick with a bomb-carrying owl and a land-lobster for companions, the black helicopter people and America’s minority communities are going to do something really naughty to you.

Kidding aside, the illustrations in the piece are really good. Even if you don’t find it funny it’s worth your time for the art.

Lately I’ve been getting more cold calls at work, via the company switchboard, from recruiters who found my name on LinkedIn. This really puts me out, and I usually give the GFY to the offending recruiter.

So what’s with these people? Are they a vital part of the employment ecosystem, or does the fact that they have to troll LinkedIn and cold call people that they don’t know and can’t vouch for the qualifications of suggest that they’re simply not very good at what they do?

I think there should be a web site listing recruiters who cold call. I know that if I were using one of these people to try to hire somebody — and honestly, I can’t see myself doing this — I’d want to know if they were pulling names from a list of people that they knew and could vouch for as opposed to finding random people with the right buzzwords on their LinkedIn profile.

What do you think?

Oh, and for all you recruiters out there: I’m not looking for work. I’m not interested in your “exciting” “opportunities.” Please stop calling.