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Yesterday was such a great day in bizarre NBA news that I feel compelled to share with those of you who honestly don’t care. First up is a rare instance in which the NBA drops some grade-school science, invoking the “do over” rule:

The Atlanta Hawks and Miami Heat must replay the final 51.9 seconds of their game last month because the official scorer ruled incorrectly that Shaquille O’Neal fouled out, the league said Friday.

So before the next Miami at Atlanta game tips off, both teams are going to put they players they had available during the last game on the floor, set the scoreboard to 114-111, Hawks, and play for a little less than a minute. Awesome.

Next, a shockingly uncommon occurrence: a professional athlete beats the hell out of some dude and gets arrested:

The Herald cited a police report, which said Rice arrived at his wife’s house demanding to know what man she was with and what he was doing at her home in Coral Gables, Florida.

He then found the victim, Alberto Perez, hiding in a closet and began beating the man while screaming obscenities at him, according to the newspaper.

You know, it’s just sad that somebody with all the privilege of a professional athlete would… HOLY R. KELLY, BATMAN, DID HE REALLY FIND THE DUDE IN THE CLOSET!!!??? The article does not state whether or not the victim is a midget.

So there you go. Yesterday’s bizarre NBA news. I’m not quite sure how to gather all of my thoughts on the matter together, but I believe that Lakers center Andrew Bynum has some relevant thoughts on the matter:

It’s about time for the NBA season to start, and you all know what that means: mindless homer predictions that will never come true.

Individual Awards

MVP

Kevin Garnett

For the last few years the MVP has gone to the best player on the best regular-season team. The “best team” part of the whole thing knocks Kobe and LBJ out of the running, even though they’re arguably better individual players. I think the East is just so weak that the Celtics will roll through everybody, pile up more wins than they know what to do with, and make KG look like he did in 2004.

Other possibilities: Tim Duncan, Steve Nash

Rookie of the Year

Corey Brewer

He’s a rookie who can actually play defense and score and he’s playing for an awful team so he’ll be starting. Kevin Durant is too one-dimensional to do more than just pile up points. If that was the criteria, Carmello Anthony would have won when he was a rookie.

Other possibilities: Marco Belinelli, Al Thornton

Most Improved Player

Andrew Bynum

Yes, this is a homer pick. Cram it.

Look, the kid played really well last year before he crashed. He’s the only semi-competent center on a team that will get a lot of national TV coverage. Also, I’d love to see him make Kobe eat his words.

Other possibilities: Al Jefferson

Coach of the Year

Gregg Poppovich

Maybe this is more a should happen than a will happen. As far as I’m concerned, Pop should win this one every year. He’s the only coach in the league able to make a collection of truly big name players play as a team. Oh, and he’s won four rings since ‘99.

Other possibilities: Scott Skiles

Executive of the Year

Chris Mullen

The last two years’ winners were the guys who built teams of lovable losers who managed to do pretty well. The Warriors are without question the NBA’s most lovable losers. I think they’ll make the playoffs again after this off season’s moves.

Other possibilities: Mitch Kupchak if he’s able to trade Kobe for Luol Deng, Ben Gordon, Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah.

Western Conference

Pacific Division

1st: Suns Worst: Clippers

Phoenix is the only team in the division that can legitimately contend for anything. The Lakers and Warriors will fill out the 7th and 8th spots in the playoffs. Due to injury, the Clips will be lucky to win 35 games.

Northwest Division

1st: Nuggets Worst: T-Wolves

Perhaps my most bold prediction: This is the year that ‘Melo pulls his head out of his ass and plays solid basketball. With that, AI, and a healthy Marcus Camby the Nuggets should edge out the Jazz by a couple of games. (Although not much more than that.)

The ‘Wolves need a few years to figure out what they’re all about after the whole Garnett thing. Oh, and they also need to fire McHale.

Southwest Division

1st: Mavs Worst: Hornets

The Southwest is by far the best division in the league, hosting two of maybe five teams that could potentially contend for a title. The Mavs, however, definitely have an edge over the Spurs in regular season games that don’t really count for much.

Eastern Conference

Atlantic Division

1st: Celtics Worst: Everybody else. Especially the Nets.

Remember last year when Toronto was the darling of the worst division in the game? That was cute. Good for them. The Celtics might lose three or four games in their division this year, but that’s about it.

Central Division

1st: Bulls Worst: Pacers

The Bulls are one marquee player (or maybe two or three more years with their current group) from being a powerhouse team. They’re everything the Pistons were three years ago, only more fun to watch. Given that Detroit is the only other competent team in the division (Last year’s results aside, LeBron can’t do it all by himself), Chicago should have an easy time of things.

Indiana was really good a few years ago. Time sure does fly.

Southeast Division

1st: Wizards Worst: Bobcats

I think both the Wizards and the Magic will outdo the Heat this year. Washington has a small edge in experience over Orlando.

Finals

Spurs over the Celtics in six games. Duncan is the finals MVP.

So Kobe asked for a trade. No big surprise, nor will it be when the Lakers basically get nothing in return. If I may be so bold, I recommend that the front office gun for a deal with Chicago, trading Kobe for Luol Deng, Kirk Hinrich and PJ Brown’s expiring contract. The money works, and Chicago is pretty much the only team in the league that wants to and can legitimately content for the title next year (which makes Bryant appealing to them) and has plenty of talented younger players (which the Lakers should go for if they’re going to rebuild.) Next year after they can dump Kwame Brown’s contract, LA will only have Lamar Odom and Vlad Radmanovic on the payroll as big-ticket, perennially broken players. Which, for the Lakers at least, would be braggable.

I personally think Chicago would be foolish to go for this, but who knows. They gave Ben Wallace a $60,000,000 deal, so it definitely seems like they’re swinging for the fences. Maybe Kobe could be the guy to get them over the hump? They could even break the bank and try to pull Jermaine O’Neal (who has a player option with the Pacers for next year) on to the team as well. I personally wouldn’t want to be in the Eastern conference should that happen.

At any rate: I’m just saying. Now back to your regularly scheduled nerdery.

I owe Pat a pitcher at Delerium. Let me know when you want to collect, Pat.

TNT announces the starters for the NBA all-star game tomorrow night. The results are usually predictable. Line up the players by shoe contract amount take the first two guards, forwards and one center from each conference and you’ve got your five for each side. A favorite pastime of both knowledgeable pundits and pointless homer fans like myself is declaring what the starting five for each side should be. I shall not let this duty slide.

Eastern Conference

Guards: Gilbert Arenas and Jason Kidd

Arenas is this year’s Kobe, shooting bad shot after bad shot but making them in what’s bound to be a futile effort. Damn is it fun to watch. Kidd passed Wilt Chamberlain on the all-time triple-double list this year. That’s got to be worth something.

I pass on Dwyane Wade because from the games I’ve seen, all he can do is get to the stripe. Corey Maggette would be an all-star if that was important. I’d like to see him play a game where the refs treated him like the rest of the players and didn’t give him everything that even looks sort of like a little bit of a foul.

Forwards: LeBron James and Emeka Okafor

He’s no Jordan, and honestly I don’t think he’s even Kobe. Still, LeBron is a force of nature. He’s as fast as a 2 and as big as a 4, he can shoot, he can post up, and he’s watched a lot of tape of people playing defense. Okafor is, I think, the single most overlooked player in the east. 11 boards anf three blocks a night? That’s crazy talk. Plus his name is Emeka. Seriously.

I’m really put out that Paul Pierce has been hurt all year. Otherwise it would have been kind of fun to start him at the 3 and LeBron at the 4. What would the west have done? (Hint: win anyway.)

Center: Dwight Howard

He’s half Amare and half Shaq. He easily wins the Will Dunk On Anybody award for this year. I think he’ll be the dominant center in the league three years from now.

Western Conference

Guards: Steve Nash and Kobe Bryant

Nash is the two time league MVP, and some horrible crime will have been committed if he’s not the MVP again this year. He’s the best point guard that I’ve ever seen play (Note: I didn’t start watching the NBA until after Magic, so….). It’s a pity that there’s no chance that he’ll be voted in to start. Bryant has been the top talent in the league for years, but he’s played like an ass. This year: not so much. Several of his team mates are having career years, he’s shooting less, and the team is winning more.

Forwards: Kevin Garnette and Carmello Anthony

Garnette pretty well has a lifetime pass for the all-star game. Too bad he doesn’t play on a real team. Despite doing 15 games for brawling, Anthony is one of the best scorers in the league and demonstrated during the world championship that he’s actually interested in competing. Besides, I feel fine admitting one bone head out of ten. Also, maybe he’ll throw a punch at Wade.

(Edit: yes, I forgot to mention Dirk here. Yes, he should start in front of either Garnette or Anthony. Sorry, Cuban.)

Center: Amare Stoudemire

Mehmet Okur and Marcus Camby are probably having better seasons statistically, and Chris Kaman wins on pure oh my god what kind of a freak is he points. I’d really like to spend a game watching Stoudemire and Howard dunk on each other, though. It’d be fun. Plus he plays well with Nash.

Well, there you have it: my totally uninformed list of the all-star game starters. Stay tuned to find out how many I guessed correctly. (Hint: 2)

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most people don’t read any sort of sports journalism for the writing. It’s usually all about the numbers and grasping at any opportunity to speculate about KG coming to LA or similar. The Clipper Blog, which I appreciate more and more with each article I read, give something to those of us who enjoy an amusing read every now and again with their recap of the recent drubbing that San Antonio put on the Clippers.

Not since the days of George Gervin, Alvin Robertson, and James Silas have the San Antonio Spurs flexed their offensive muscle, but tonight the Spurs took a time machine in defeating the Los Angeles Clippers 207-89. Mano Ginobili led the Spurs with 76, Tim Duncan added 60, and Brent Barry - making six of seven shots from the five-point line - added 56.

If you’re a Clippers fan or a fan of NBA basketball at all, I can’t recommend this blog enough.

Dear Los Angeles Clippers,

Please stop calling me. I don’t want season tickets. Yes, I know that I went to several games last year, and yes, I agree that it would be exciting to attend a four, eight, or 12-pack of games this year. However, I just don’t have the time.

You’ve probably called me half a dozen times since the Clippers went to the playoffs last season. They were exciting times for everybody, but even that excitment shouldn’t prevent you from getting the hint that no, I’m really not going to buy season tickets on the fifth call if I turned you down on the first, second, third and fourth calls. Please take a hint.

Yours truly,

Corey

P.S.: LA Phil, this goes double for you.

If the Clippers win the Pacific dividion for the 2006-2007 season, Pat owes me a pitcher at Delerium. If they do not, I owe Pat a pitcher. Further, if the Lakers and the Clippers meet in the 2007 playoffs, Pat owes me a pitcher at Delerium should the Clippers win and I owe pat a pitcher should the Lakers win.

It’s been nearly 12 hours since Miami beat Dallas to win the NBA finals and there’s still no word out of Mark Cuban. Ordinarily I can take or leave what people have to say about whatever, but I can’t wait to get Cuban’s reaction to the series.

Did I mention that I picked Miami to win back in November? We’ll ignore that I was convinced for the bulk of the season that Detroit and San Antonio were the teams to beat.

Back in November I made predictions about this year’s NBA season. The year is almost over, so along with going back to having my Thursday nights free — I’ll miss you Earnie, Kenny and Charles! — I can see if I had any sense at all earlier on in the year.

Western Conference finals: San Antonio Spurs over Houston Rockets (Dallas Mavericks over Phoenix Suns)

0-2!

The Rockets didn’t even make the playoffs. I was sure that this was going to be the year when Yao and McGrady finally got it together to be the next Shaq and Kobe. Not so much. McGrady spend a big chunk of the season going through personal problems that limited him on the court, and Yao is still soft. Next year. Next year….

San Antonio looked all year like they’d be solid and hold up at least half of my prediction, but they ran in to the slightly less dinged-up Mavs in the Semis and went fishing. Still, I’d pick them again if I had it to do over again.

Eastern Conference finals: Miami Heat over Indiana Pacers (Miami Heat over Detroit Pistons)

I was half right here, which is pretty good, although I will admit to being pretty sure during the season that Detroit was the team to beat. Lesson: it’s hard to go wrong betting with a 7′1″, 350lb. dude with a great big chip on his sholder. Forget everything they say about D-Wade. Shaq is the reason Miami is where they are today. They’d have been out in the quarters agains the Bulls without him.

Indiana just has the worst of luck every year. If it’s not Ron Artest jumping on to the stands, beating the hell out of some dude and getting half the team suspended, it’s Ron Artest deciding that he doesn’t want to play and keeping his team an all-star quality player down for half of the season. Wait a second, they don’t have bad luck, they had Ron Artest. D’oh!

NBA finals: Miami Heat over San Antonio Spurs (Heat v. Mavs, TBD)

If Miami wins can I consider myself correct here? Three quarters correct? Half? Eh.

Worst record: New Orleans Hornets (Portland Trailblazers)

Damn you, Chris Paul. The Hornets should have really, really sucked this year. Their city was under water and they didn’t really have any competent players. Leave it to some silly rookie to come in and average 16 points, eight assists and two steals per game.

The Blazers, on the other hand, are in complete disarray. It’s an ownership question, really. If you’re going to have a software billionaire own your team, you need one who made their cash flipping a silly company to Yahoo, not building up one of the most important corporations in the world. Shame on you, Paul Allen, for working hard instead of getting lucky.

Most Valuable Player: LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers (Steve Nash)

This was a crazy year for the MVP race. I can see why Nash won — half of his team had career years with him at the healm — but an equally good case could have been made for several others. LeBron and Kobe both carried teams that probably shouldn’t have even been in the playoffs to very respectable performances. Elton Brand took the freaking Clippers to the second round, and is the nicest guy in basketball to boot. Tony Parker got a team with two banged up superstars — Tim Duncan and MANU GINOBILI — to the conference semis and the second best record in the league. Etc. etc. The one call I’ll make for next year is that LeBron will definitely be the MVP. You heard it here first.

Rookie of the Year: No strong opinion. I’ll say Wayne Simien, Miami Heat (Chris Paul, NO/OKc Hornets)

I’ll take homer picks for 1,000, Alex. The Kansas standout barely played. I’m not quite sure what I was thinking going with a big playing behind Shaq, Walker, ‘Zo and Haslem. Oh well. At least I only made one homer pick.

Coach of the Year: Phil Jackson, Los Angeles Lakers (Avery Johnson, Dallas Mavericks)

Did I say one homer pick? I meant two homer picks. This was the hear when the Zen Master was supposed to take the rag tag group of misfits that is the Los Angeles Lakers to the NBA Finals and beat Shaq and start a second three-peat. Yeah. Perhaps not. He did get them to the playoffs, which for that group is pretty impressive.

Defensive Player of the Year: Ron Artest, Indiana Pacers (Ben Wallace, Detroit Pistons)

You know, I think the only reason he doesn’t win this award is because he’s a troublemaker. Ben Wallace won again. (Which is a sham in and of itself, because even if Artest wasn’t the better defensive player — and he was — Bruce Bowen was easily the more important stopper.) It’s like all you have to do is throw a few punches at fans and WHAMMO, no more awards for you. Oh well.

Sixth Man Award: Antoine Walker, Miami Heat (Mike Miller, Memphis Grizzlies)

‘Tonie didn’t come on strong until the end of the year, but still it was probably dumb to pick him because of the whole playing-with-Shaq factor. (You don’t win awards when you’re on Shaq’s team.) If Corey Maggette agrees to come off the bench next year, he’ll be a lock for the award.

I’d say something about Mike Miller, but eh. Memphis.

Most Improved Player: Marko Jaric, Minnesota Timberwolves (Boris Diaw, Phoenix Suns)

OK so I can’t complain about this one. Diaw — playing center at 6′8″, which is crazy in and of itself — is the #2 reason — behind Nash — for the Sun’s success. Without one more big to step up there with Marion they would have been way too small and wouldn’t have stood a chance. Further, how can you deny the wonder of a center putting up back-to-back triple doubles?

Maybe this was a third homer pick? Jaric was a Clipper last year, traded for Sam I Am in a deal that probably cemented Clippers’ GM Elgin Baylor as executive of the year.

Executive of the Year: Pat Riley, Miami Heat (Elgin Baylor, Los Angeles Clippers)

The only thing more bizarre than the Clippers making the playoffs is anybody ascoiated with their front office winning an award. They’ve been the most derided group in basketball — perhaps in sports in general — for years and years and years. Elgin’s off-season moves to bring in Cassell and Mobley, his commitment to keep Brand and Maggette and his draft picks over the last few years — in particular Chris Kaman and Shaun Livingston — have build a damn good team. I’ve got them up there with San Antonio and Dallas next year.

Riley, however, could end up the ultimate winner. His team is in the finals and is definitely peaking, and his off-season acquisitions of Posey, Walker, White-Chocolate and Payton are a big part of how they got there. (To say nothing of stealing Shaq from the Lakers two years back.)

Well, another NBA season come and gone. It’ll be tough to find something to do on Thursday nights, but I think I can persevere. Well, at least until the draft. And the World Games this summer. And training camp….