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Everybody agrees that Greg Popovich is one of the best coaches in the league. Now he can lay claim to the league’s — if not the entire universe’s — best sense of humor. To briefly set the stage, The Big Nickname has gone on record of late being incredibly chappassed about the Spurs playing “hack-a-shaq”, calling the technique “cowardly.” Pop has a little fun with this in the first game of the season.

If that’s not the greatest thing ever done in the context of sport, I’m not sure what is.

2008-2009 NBA Preview

It’s that time again. The glorious fall marking the end of the dark, sportsless time between the tour and the NBA season. Sure, there’s baseball and American football to watch, but I don’t.

Last year

Briefly, let’s review what I guessed last year:

Individual Awards

I guessed KG for MVP, which was incorrect yet not a horrible guess. He did win defensive player of the year. Corey Brewer, my pick for rookie of the year, barely played. Oops. Andrew Bynum was definitely on track to win Most Improved before he blew his knee out. I feel pretty good about that pick. Pop was robbed of coach of the year, per usual. Mullen turned out to be an asinine guess at Executive of the year, as the Warriors self destructed.

Teams

Easily the worst of my team picks was the Hornets finishing last in the Southwest. I assumed that their 2006-2007 season was a fluke, but they moved in the exact opposite direction and finished second in the West. Next up was the Bulls and my guess that they would win the Central. However I think that was more a case of the Bulls underperforming than me just being stupid. They certainly had the players to finish much, much higher. (Although maybe not first.)

It’s worth nothing, though, that I did have the Celtics in the finals, which they did end up winning. (We’ll ignore that I had the Spurs beating them.)

So, on to this coming year.

Western Conference:

Southwest:

1. Hornets
2. Rockets
3. Spurs
4. Mavericks
5. Grizzlies

Previously the strongest division in the league, and, well, probably still the strongest. The Hornets were a young team last year and didn’t lose anybody, and Chris Paul is my pick for MVP. I think they’re the favorites to win. Houston is probably a bit of a gamble on account of the Ron Ron, but he usually keeps things under control for the first season or so with each new team. I think they’ll work things out. If the Spurs don’t come in third they’ll come in first. The only thing going against them is their age. The Mavs sure do have a high payroll, although that’s about it. Memphis may have three or four exciting games.

Northwest:

1. Jazz
2. Blazers
3. Nuggets
4. Timberwolves
5. Thunder!

Utah is a popular pick to win the West. Deron Williams is an amazing point guard — I like his game more than Paul’s, although I don’t think he has the flash to make MVP — and they’re one of the best coached teams in the league. The Blazers have a whole lot of talent but even more youth. They’ll probably do well this year, but not great for another two or three years. After that, watch out — provided they can keep the team together. The Nuggets won’t make the playoffs after giving Camby away. The Timberwolves traded away one of the most exciting rookies in this year’s class (Mayo) but may win a few more games for it. The “Thunder!” left one America’s nicest cities for Oklahoma and picked what is by far the worst name in the league. Maybe they’ll win 20 games.

Pacific:

1. Lakers
2. Suns
3. Warriors
4. Clippers
5. Kings

Last year’s conference champs add in another 7-footer (Bynum), have possibly the best bench in the league — if Lamar Odom is coming off the bench for your team, you’re in great shape — and have the league’s best player. I’ll be surprised if the win fewer than 60 games this year. The rest of the division… yeah. Not so good. The Suns traded away one of the league’s best two-way player for a mummified Shaquille O’Neil, they’re planning on starting on of Golden State’s former bench players, and their new offensive system will have Steve Nash running mostly half-court sets. I’d say that they aren’t playing to their strengths, but then they really don’t have too many strengths. That said, there are a lot of very good players on the Suns, so they’ll do well enough. The Warriors, Clippers and Kings aren’t really worth talking about. They’ll all be pretty bad.

Playoffs

1. Lakers
2. Jazz
3. Hornets
4. Rockets
5. Blazers
6. Spurs
7. Suns
8. Mavericks

The Lakers, Jazz and Rockets all win in the first round without trouble. San Antonio continues to have New Orleans’ number. Unfortunately, we don’t get another Lakers/Spurs conference finals, because those really are fun. Instead we get to watch Jerry Sloan and the Jazz lose to the pre-season favorites.

Eastern Conference:

Southeast:

1. Magic
2. Hawks
3. Wizards
4. Heat
5. Bobcats

What an amusing division the Southeast. You’ve got the young, talented and pretty-well coached team (the Magic), the even younger, even more talented, and sort of well coached team (Hawks), The not-so-young, incredibly talented, mildly-coached yet always injured team (The Wiz’), the tragically injured ever since they won that title team (The Heat) and the just plain bad, don’t-you-know-this-is-what-you-get-with-MJ-as-an-executive team. (The Bobby “Bobcat” Bobcats.) The thing is, three of these teams will probably make the playoffs. What is with the East?

Central:

1. Cavs
2. Pistons
3. Bulls
4. Bucks
5. Pacers

I’ve read this year that LeBron is now as big as Karl Malone was when he played. Considering that LBJ moves as well as any guard in the league, that’s pretty astounding. Unfortunately, there isn’t really a team around him. On the up side for the Cavs, the Pistons aren’t getting any younger or less complacent, the Bulls are still basically in disarray, the Bucks don’t have any players (Richard Jefferson and Michael Redd are their go-to guys? Really?) and the Pacers will be happy to just stay out of trouble with the law this year.

Atlantic:

1. Celtics
2. Sixers
3. Raptors
4. Nets
5. Liberty
6. Blue Devils
7. Shawnee Mission East Lancers
8. Monrovia YMCA 7-9yo Achievers Basketball
9. Nicks

Far and away the best division in the East, the Atlantic has last year’s champ, the twin-towers in Bosh and O’Neil up in Toronto and the league’s most underrated power forward in Philly’s Elton Brand. Any one of these teams could win the East. I would really like to see Philly win, but I think Boston is just too good. The brand of tough, defensive basketball they play is crazy hard to beat; they manhandled the Lakers in the finals last year, and the Lakers played pretty good basketball. Boston was just that much better of a team. Now that they all have rings they might not have as much fire as they did last year, but they still have more than enough to repeat as champions. The Nets should be awful, but they’re rebuilding and trying to clear cap for LeBron, so that’s OK. Amazing all NBA observers, the Nicks will lose 84 games this year.

Playoffs

1. Celtics
2. Cavs
3. Sixers
4. Magic
5. Raptors
6. Pistons
7. Hawks
8. Wizards

I’m thinking a Boston/Philly conference final in the East, with the Cavs and the Raptors losing out in the semi’s. To nobody’s surprise, Boston wins.

Individual Awards

Sixth Man of the Year

Laram Odom: L.O. assumes Ginobli’s role as America’s favorite bench guy who would be starting if not starring on nearly any other team in the league. He’s in a contract year and he’s contending for a title, so he definitely has something to play for. Also, I’m a Lakers fan, so I allow myself one obvious homer pick per year. This is it.

Other possibilities: Ben Gordon, Ron Artest.

Most Improved

Al Thornton: The biggest obstacle to this happening is the Clippers and the general derision that’s always heaped (deservedly) their way. Al had a really strong rookie year, and the players he was backing up are gone now. He should start at small forward and have more scoring opportunities than he knows what to do with.

Other possibilities: Al Jefferson

Rookie of the Year

Derrick Rose: A great college player and first overall pick on a team in a major media market without any other big stars? Can’t miss. Greg Oden seems to be the pundit’s pick for this one, but I can’t see him making it through the whole season after missing all of last year.

Other possibilities: Greg Oden, OJ Maoy.

Defensive Player of the Year

Kevin Garnett: If Boston is half as good defensively as it was last year, this should be an easy pick.

Other possibilities: None.

MVP

Kobe “Bean” Bryant: This award is Kobe’s to lose. He’s far and away the best player in the league, and he’s on what’s likely the best team in the league. He’s obviously the Lakers leader, and now that he’s stopped shooting for that single-tripple he’s making the rest of his team better. I just don’t thine LeBron, amazing as he is, is going to win enough games to take it away from him. Chris Paul might, but he’d have to have an even better year than last, and that would be tough.

Other possibilities: Chris Paul, LeBron James.

Coach of the Year

Jerry Sloan: Call it a lifetime achievement award if you want. His team is going to be great this year, and their success is always attributed strongly to his coaching.

Other possibilities: Greg Popovich, Mike D’Antoni if the Nicks are able to win more than 10 games.

Finals

Lakers over Celtics in 6.

Yesterday was such a great day in bizarre NBA news that I feel compelled to share with those of you who honestly don’t care. First up is a rare instance in which the NBA drops some grade-school science, invoking the “do over” rule:

The Atlanta Hawks and Miami Heat must replay the final 51.9 seconds of their game last month because the official scorer ruled incorrectly that Shaquille O’Neal fouled out, the league said Friday.

So before the next Miami at Atlanta game tips off, both teams are going to put they players they had available during the last game on the floor, set the scoreboard to 114-111, Hawks, and play for a little less than a minute. Awesome.

Next, a shockingly uncommon occurrence: a professional athlete beats the hell out of some dude and gets arrested:

The Herald cited a police report, which said Rice arrived at his wife’s house demanding to know what man she was with and what he was doing at her home in Coral Gables, Florida.

He then found the victim, Alberto Perez, hiding in a closet and began beating the man while screaming obscenities at him, according to the newspaper.

You know, it’s just sad that somebody with all the privilege of a professional athlete would… HOLY R. KELLY, BATMAN, DID HE REALLY FIND THE DUDE IN THE CLOSET!!!??? The article does not state whether or not the victim is a midget.

So there you go. Yesterday’s bizarre NBA news. I’m not quite sure how to gather all of my thoughts on the matter together, but I believe that Lakers center Andrew Bynum has some relevant thoughts on the matter:

It’s about time for the NBA season to start, and you all know what that means: mindless homer predictions that will never come true.

Individual Awards

MVP

Kevin Garnett

For the last few years the MVP has gone to the best player on the best regular-season team. The “best team” part of the whole thing knocks Kobe and LBJ out of the running, even though they’re arguably better individual players. I think the East is just so weak that the Celtics will roll through everybody, pile up more wins than they know what to do with, and make KG look like he did in 2004.

Other possibilities: Tim Duncan, Steve Nash

Rookie of the Year

Corey Brewer

He’s a rookie who can actually play defense and score and he’s playing for an awful team so he’ll be starting. Kevin Durant is too one-dimensional to do more than just pile up points. If that was the criteria, Carmello Anthony would have won when he was a rookie.

Other possibilities: Marco Belinelli, Al Thornton

Most Improved Player

Andrew Bynum

Yes, this is a homer pick. Cram it.

Look, the kid played really well last year before he crashed. He’s the only semi-competent center on a team that will get a lot of national TV coverage. Also, I’d love to see him make Kobe eat his words.

Other possibilities: Al Jefferson

Coach of the Year

Gregg Poppovich

Maybe this is more a should happen than a will happen. As far as I’m concerned, Pop should win this one every year. He’s the only coach in the league able to make a collection of truly big name players play as a team. Oh, and he’s won four rings since ‘99.

Other possibilities: Scott Skiles

Executive of the Year

Chris Mullen

The last two years’ winners were the guys who built teams of lovable losers who managed to do pretty well. The Warriors are without question the NBA’s most lovable losers. I think they’ll make the playoffs again after this off season’s moves.

Other possibilities: Mitch Kupchak if he’s able to trade Kobe for Luol Deng, Ben Gordon, Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah.

Western Conference

Pacific Division

1st: Suns Worst: Clippers

Phoenix is the only team in the division that can legitimately contend for anything. The Lakers and Warriors will fill out the 7th and 8th spots in the playoffs. Due to injury, the Clips will be lucky to win 35 games.

Northwest Division

1st: Nuggets Worst: T-Wolves

Perhaps my most bold prediction: This is the year that ‘Melo pulls his head out of his ass and plays solid basketball. With that, AI, and a healthy Marcus Camby the Nuggets should edge out the Jazz by a couple of games. (Although not much more than that.)

The ‘Wolves need a few years to figure out what they’re all about after the whole Garnett thing. Oh, and they also need to fire McHale.

Southwest Division

1st: Mavs Worst: Hornets

The Southwest is by far the best division in the league, hosting two of maybe five teams that could potentially contend for a title. The Mavs, however, definitely have an edge over the Spurs in regular season games that don’t really count for much.

Eastern Conference

Atlantic Division

1st: Celtics Worst: Everybody else. Especially the Nets.

Remember last year when Toronto was the darling of the worst division in the game? That was cute. Good for them. The Celtics might lose three or four games in their division this year, but that’s about it.

Central Division

1st: Bulls Worst: Pacers

The Bulls are one marquee player (or maybe two or three more years with their current group) from being a powerhouse team. They’re everything the Pistons were three years ago, only more fun to watch. Given that Detroit is the only other competent team in the division (Last year’s results aside, LeBron can’t do it all by himself), Chicago should have an easy time of things.

Indiana was really good a few years ago. Time sure does fly.

Southeast Division

1st: Wizards Worst: Bobcats

I think both the Wizards and the Magic will outdo the Heat this year. Washington has a small edge in experience over Orlando.

Finals

Spurs over the Celtics in six games. Duncan is the finals MVP.

So Kobe asked for a trade. No big surprise, nor will it be when the Lakers basically get nothing in return. If I may be so bold, I recommend that the front office gun for a deal with Chicago, trading Kobe for Luol Deng, Kirk Hinrich and PJ Brown’s expiring contract. The money works, and Chicago is pretty much the only team in the league that wants to and can legitimately content for the title next year (which makes Bryant appealing to them) and has plenty of talented younger players (which the Lakers should go for if they’re going to rebuild.) Next year after they can dump Kwame Brown’s contract, LA will only have Lamar Odom and Vlad Radmanovic on the payroll as big-ticket, perennially broken players. Which, for the Lakers at least, would be braggable.

I personally think Chicago would be foolish to go for this, but who knows. They gave Ben Wallace a $60,000,000 deal, so it definitely seems like they’re swinging for the fences. Maybe Kobe could be the guy to get them over the hump? They could even break the bank and try to pull Jermaine O’Neal (who has a player option with the Pacers for next year) on to the team as well. I personally wouldn’t want to be in the Eastern conference should that happen.

At any rate: I’m just saying. Now back to your regularly scheduled nerdery.

I owe Pat a pitcher at Delerium. Let me know when you want to collect, Pat.

TNT announces the starters for the NBA all-star game tomorrow night. The results are usually predictable. Line up the players by shoe contract amount take the first two guards, forwards and one center from each conference and you’ve got your five for each side. A favorite pastime of both knowledgeable pundits and pointless homer fans like myself is declaring what the starting five for each side should be. I shall not let this duty slide.

Eastern Conference

Guards: Gilbert Arenas and Jason Kidd

Arenas is this year’s Kobe, shooting bad shot after bad shot but making them in what’s bound to be a futile effort. Damn is it fun to watch. Kidd passed Wilt Chamberlain on the all-time triple-double list this year. That’s got to be worth something.

I pass on Dwyane Wade because from the games I’ve seen, all he can do is get to the stripe. Corey Maggette would be an all-star if that was important. I’d like to see him play a game where the refs treated him like the rest of the players and didn’t give him everything that even looks sort of like a little bit of a foul.

Forwards: LeBron James and Emeka Okafor

He’s no Jordan, and honestly I don’t think he’s even Kobe. Still, LeBron is a force of nature. He’s as fast as a 2 and as big as a 4, he can shoot, he can post up, and he’s watched a lot of tape of people playing defense. Okafor is, I think, the single most overlooked player in the east. 11 boards anf three blocks a night? That’s crazy talk. Plus his name is Emeka. Seriously.

I’m really put out that Paul Pierce has been hurt all year. Otherwise it would have been kind of fun to start him at the 3 and LeBron at the 4. What would the west have done? (Hint: win anyway.)

Center: Dwight Howard

He’s half Amare and half Shaq. He easily wins the Will Dunk On Anybody award for this year. I think he’ll be the dominant center in the league three years from now.

Western Conference

Guards: Steve Nash and Kobe Bryant

Nash is the two time league MVP, and some horrible crime will have been committed if he’s not the MVP again this year. He’s the best point guard that I’ve ever seen play (Note: I didn’t start watching the NBA until after Magic, so….). It’s a pity that there’s no chance that he’ll be voted in to start. Bryant has been the top talent in the league for years, but he’s played like an ass. This year: not so much. Several of his team mates are having career years, he’s shooting less, and the team is winning more.

Forwards: Kevin Garnette and Carmello Anthony

Garnette pretty well has a lifetime pass for the all-star game. Too bad he doesn’t play on a real team. Despite doing 15 games for brawling, Anthony is one of the best scorers in the league and demonstrated during the world championship that he’s actually interested in competing. Besides, I feel fine admitting one bone head out of ten. Also, maybe he’ll throw a punch at Wade.

(Edit: yes, I forgot to mention Dirk here. Yes, he should start in front of either Garnette or Anthony. Sorry, Cuban.)

Center: Amare Stoudemire

Mehmet Okur and Marcus Camby are probably having better seasons statistically, and Chris Kaman wins on pure oh my god what kind of a freak is he points. I’d really like to spend a game watching Stoudemire and Howard dunk on each other, though. It’d be fun. Plus he plays well with Nash.

Well, there you have it: my totally uninformed list of the all-star game starters. Stay tuned to find out how many I guessed correctly. (Hint: 2)

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most people don’t read any sort of sports journalism for the writing. It’s usually all about the numbers and grasping at any opportunity to speculate about KG coming to LA or similar. The Clipper Blog, which I appreciate more and more with each article I read, give something to those of us who enjoy an amusing read every now and again with their recap of the recent drubbing that San Antonio put on the Clippers.

Not since the days of George Gervin, Alvin Robertson, and James Silas have the San Antonio Spurs flexed their offensive muscle, but tonight the Spurs took a time machine in defeating the Los Angeles Clippers 207-89. Mano Ginobili led the Spurs with 76, Tim Duncan added 60, and Brent Barry – making six of seven shots from the five-point line – added 56.

If you’re a Clippers fan or a fan of NBA basketball at all, I can’t recommend this blog enough.

Dear Los Angeles Clippers,

Please stop calling me. I don’t want season tickets. Yes, I know that I went to several games last year, and yes, I agree that it would be exciting to attend a four, eight, or 12-pack of games this year. However, I just don’t have the time.

You’ve probably called me half a dozen times since the Clippers went to the playoffs last season. They were exciting times for everybody, but even that excitment shouldn’t prevent you from getting the hint that no, I’m really not going to buy season tickets on the fifth call if I turned you down on the first, second, third and fourth calls. Please take a hint.

Yours truly,

Corey

P.S.: LA Phil, this goes double for you.

If the Clippers win the Pacific dividion for the 2006-2007 season, Pat owes me a pitcher at Delerium. If they do not, I owe Pat a pitcher. Further, if the Lakers and the Clippers meet in the 2007 playoffs, Pat owes me a pitcher at Delerium should the Clippers win and I owe pat a pitcher should the Lakers win.