obfuscated.org

In the interest of equal time, I present the Canadian’s compelling argument against voting:

Here’s the thing: the more of the rest of you hipsters who decide to maintain a Zen-like aloofness and remain above such pedestrian things like politics and democracy, the more influential my vote will be. Past evidence suggests that you are more likely to vote against me than with me, so please, don’t vote.

California Voters,

Remember that today is SuperDuperTuesday. So bust out that senior citizen camouflage, hit your polling place and make democracy happen. You can find your polling place using the magic interwebs machine.

(True story: when I got to the Forgetful Acres rec room this morning, there was a huge TV blaring “VOTE YES ON {blah blah blah}” ads right outside the polling place. It was awesome. They turned it off when I pointed it out.)

(For those of you keeping score at home: Obama and “no.” See also CLV’s voter guide.)

The best of craigslist features the amazing Star Wars Guide to the Candidates for the 2008 presidential election. Definitely worth a read.

Hillando Clintrissian

Here’s the thing. The Millenium Falcon was hers to begin with. She only lost it to Bill on a bet. Then she got caught up in that whole Cloud City thing in the Bespin system, which proved she could govern, I guess, but she’s kinda hoping you won’t remember that she totally sold out the Rebels to Darth Vader. That’s how J’han Solo wound up encased in Carbonite and Leia ended up in a bikini on a chain. Hmmm. Actually, not so bad! And Hillando did do some nifty piloting against the New and Improved Death Star. Didn’t she also record “Caribbean Queen (No More Love On The Run)”?

I don’t care if it’s fake — and it has to be fake. There’s nothing this good in the entire universe. I checked — it’s amazing. I know who I’m voting for in the Republican primaries. (For all those times I’ll be voting in the Republican primaries.)

You know, I had no idea that there was a “stoned religious conservative” demographic to go after. Live and learn.

Or why they should! This can’t be true, but if it is, it’s the best thing to happen ever.

From a batshit crazy story about SQUIRRELS INVADING IRAN on the Washington post:

“A few weeks ago, 14 squirrels equipped with espionage systems of foreign intelligence services were captured by [Iranian] intelligence forces along the country’s borders. These trained squirrels, each of which weighed just over 700 grams, were released on the borders of the country for intelligence and espionage purposes. According to the announcement made by Iranian intelligence officials, alert police officials caught these squirrels before they could carry out any task.

“Fixing GPS devices, bugging instruments and advanced cameras in the bodies of trained animals like squirrels, mice, hamsters, etc, are among modern methods of collecting intelligence. Given the fast speed and the special physical features of these animals, they provide special capabilities for spying operations. Once the animals return to their place of origin, the intelligence gathered by them is then offloaded. . . .”

What would you do if somebody you had on a “Rogue nations” list started (supposedly) saying stuff like this? You’d take them out to a bar and get them drunk, that’s what you’d do! Because seriously, if they can come up with this sort of stuff sober, imagine what they can do after a few rounds. Maybe surreptitiously put some ocelot fur on your jacket before you meet up with them just to see if you can totally freak them out. You could even make a game out of it. For every genus they accuse of espionage, you drink. Just make sure that you’re taking a cab home if you’re out with Iran.

I don’t know how much international diplomacy actually takes place in a pub, but if this story is true much, much more of it should.

Pat pointed out a fascinating article about some of the possible pitfalls of using alternative fuels.

So last fall the Charlotte musician and guitar instructor spent $1,200 to convert his 1981 diesel Mercedes to run on vegetable oil. He bought soybean oil in 5-gallon jugs at Costco, spending about 30 percent more than diesel would cost.

His reward, from a state that heavily promotes alternative fuels: a $1,000 fine last month for not paying motor fuel taxes.

He’s been told to expect another $1,000 fine from the federal government.

And to legally use veggie oil, state officials told him, he would have to first post a $2,500 bond.

This strikes me as an absolutely fascinating legal/public policy problem. On one hand, I think it’s without question good for people to experiment and innovate with alternative fuels, and a large tax burden would do much do discourage this. On the other hand, it’s pretty obvious that it’s important for the rule of law to stand and for appropriate taxes to be collected such that roads can be maintained.

At current, there’s no obvious and straightforward way to make this happen. Sure, one-off waivers can be granted to individuals, but does that scale? (That said, does it need to? Is the “we really should have good rules in place to regulate them appropriately” threshold one that you don’t reach until a technology is pretty well mainstream?) I’ll be interested to see what sort of legislation pops up around alternative fuel cars.

On a personal note, I think VegOil cars smell like ass. But that’s just me.

The House seems to think that stopping the states from fighting Spyware is worth their time. I wonder if the Senate will….

The federal preemption provisions (Section 6), meanwhile, trump most of the stricter state laws that might have been used to go after badware vendors. This is particularly disappointing, as state laws have opened a new front in the war on badware. A few categories of state laws are preserved, including trespass, contract, tort, and fraud laws. And, in an interesting twist, H.R. 964 preserves state consumer protection statutes, but only if the state’s Attorney General is bringing the enforcement action.

Reading between the lines in Section 6, one thing becomes clear: this section is intended primarily to block the ability of private citizens to sue badware vendors under state laws. By consolidating all the enforcement authority against badware in the hands of the FTC and state Attorneys Generals, software and adware vendors are trying to quietly block consumer class actions that could target their misbehavior. For example, H.R. 964 would have made it impossible for EFF to use California’s Business and Professions Code 17200 (which allows private citizens to sue for unfair and unlawful business practices) against Sony-BMG for its spyware-laden copy-protection software.

McSweeney’s Pros and Cons of the Top 20 Democratic Presidential Candidates is pretty funny.

11.

ALLEN IVERSON

Pro: Instant offense. Con: Selfish with the ball; may have lost a step.

12.

IRA GLASS

Pro: Thoughtful; self-effacing; like many Americans, enjoys cable television. Con: At present, no budget line item exists for moody introspective music to underscore every statement president makes in order to make it sound more poignant.

16.

JESUS CHRIST

Pro: Could draw some initial interest from the Christian right until they research his actual positions in a deeper way; likable; strong leadership qualities. Con: Unkempt; pretty far left; messianic complex.

[Via]

Does anybody else find it ironic that these North Korean propaganda wallpapers are available for sale priced in US dollars? I’d buy the one of The Decider as a panting dog wearing a tie — because come on: panting dog, wearing a tie — if I wasn’t pretty sure that the money would somehow go towards hooking a car battery up to an unlucky dissident’s nuts.

(Propaganda wallpaper page two is equally priceless, featuring two doves spelling out the word “peace” next to a GIANT FIST CRUSHING THE WHITE HOUSECAPITOL BUILDING. What will KJI think of next?)